Feed the Beast

It’s midnight and I am thinking about anger and other unpresentable emotions. I know, it’s gross. But I’m taking stock of how different people handle these beasts when they well up, and they will well up. Some folks just let the bitterness take over and have its way, turning its human host into a dangerous incubus of rage. Others, like myself, just get tired, so we hide away in Colorado and we draw puppies. But then there are those who see their gloom as just another mess to clean. All it takes is a good attitude and a little aggressive smiling, and soon they’ll be right as rain…. or will they?

I recently learned of a phrase called “toxic positivity.” It is based on the idea that emotions are meant to ebb and flow, and if we try to suppress negativity too much or too often, we throw everything off balance and get sick. But before we get sick, we struggle for a long time to smile and laugh convincingly enough that noone’s the wiser. But deep down we must all know that sadness, anger, and shame are are powerful ancient forces that cannot and simply will not just disappear by noon. In fact, the more we bury them in sugery, performative joy, the longer they will linger.

So, according to this idea, the only way to effectively protect yourself from your own monster is to give it some attention while it runs its course. In other words, give your beast something to chew on so it doesn’t chew on you. Be unpresentable some of the time. Do it for your long-term health. Scream profanities into a canyon. Kick a chair. Write horrible nothings into a journal. Cry hard and get ugly.

You can’t make magic grow overnight.

Love, Julia